Time is the motion of desire

I still remember this session with Mariella Greil where I was trying to explain how I feel about my research.

I described two poles: researching into the notion of time created in my imagination a white laboratory-like space, sterile, silent, tense in expectation of the results, sickly, ordered, disciplined. It was already back then that I understood the time as a structure, an ordering principle, an invisible yet firm hand of discipline, a white uncanny place.

The second pole related to something earthy, visceral. It related to my body and to the darker richer colour of rust: red and brown and orange.

And I was wondering how I (I perceive myself as an overdramtic mediterranean person, impulsive, overly emotional, constantly dissenting, intuitive, playful, a person who recently discovered humor as a remedy to hums deep melancholy and permanent feeling of responsibility) how I had chosen to research time, which, as I wrote above, seemed white sterile and uncanny. Where was the body in my research? Where was the muddy red visceral desire?

Of course order and discipline are as well part of my body. I went to school in Germany. Discipline and order are the only schools in Germany, I think. It was clean. I wouldn’t say sterile, but it was clean and on time and hardworking. On time: I constantly watch the clock, I try hard to be on time and I am constantly late. Why?

Maybe it is clearer now. I started from these parts of my body that were disciplined in a more apparent way.

After a whole year. I am reading about Deleuze right now and I see the connection: time is the motion of desire…

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very long pause

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I don’t know what to do with this quote. I don’t know where to go next. Is it too late to bring desire into this research?

Do I have enough time to read about this?

Is it better to turn this quote into my next project?

Is it better to continue with what I have until now?

How does desire connect to my walking practice and to co-existence.

I quess it’s very simple. Temporality is a culturally specific time regime, a social organization of time that aims to coordinate all action into schedules and plans that best serve the goals of this society. This regime disciplines the body and it disciplines its desires, too.

I am firm believer that if there were more time and space for daily human desire, human coexistence would not be such a tricky thing